Dream 2011-03-04

I dreamt about Chelsea, my cousin. Maybe because it's her birthday in a couple of days, or maybe just a premonition of things to come.

One sunny afternoon, all Pineda cousins were at the park talking about stuff and just hanging out. Then Chelsea arrived and introduced this guy... We were all very skeptical, knowing how picky and really pihikan our Chelsea is. Surprisingly, they were very sweet with each other, and that made us all the more curious.

So when Chelsea went to do other stuff and the guy was left with us, I started interrogating the dude. Being the older cousin (and thus, older sister complex) that I am, I had to find out if my cousin is in good hands. The first question I had for him was, "so, how many girlfriends have you had?" With ease, he answered "20." Well, that left us all appalled for a moment. So the next question I asked him was, "How long have you been together?" And he immediately answered "8 months."

And so our Facebook stalking began. The cousins and I looked up Facebook and find out this guy's details. He was telling the truth about having 20 ex-girlfriends, he did have a lot of women on his profile picture. And then more recently, his pictures were with Chelsea.

Might as well give the dude a chance. But before that, we gotta make things clear. So I slapped the dude (brutal, aren't I?) and threatened him with "If you hurt her, you will have to answer to us." And all the other cousins were cracking their knuckles.

The End.

On being Jealous

I really hate this feeling, and I wish I didn't have to feel it.

I always thought I wasn't a jealous person, and that I'm just cool with stuff because I'm confident with my man. I put a lot of trust in him and it never crossed my mind that someday, one of the reasons we'll be fighting over is somebody I'm jealous of.

But it did happen, and it was ugly. A few years ago, I've had what I believed to be the worst Jealous rage in my entire life. I got paranoid, emotional, overly dramatic, and really just extreme. I was suspicious of everything and everyone, and I felt the need to closely monitor his activities or even communications with other people. In other words, I became a psychotic jealous girlfriend.

We fought about it until he finally slapped me back to my senses. Yes, I was wrong. I was irrational. I was stupid and selfish and very unstable. And in the end, he was right. I calmed down and thought things over until I finally realized that I am and always will be his only one.

But now that he's so far away, that rage I've tried so hard to forget is slowly piling up again. I am starting to feel the symptoms already, and I want it to stop so bad but the voices in my head just won't shut up (talk about being psychotic!). I really really REALLY wish I won't have to go back to feeling that rage because it almost destroyed me and my relationship. I wish I knew how to stop being jealous.

Ash Wednesday 2012

Today is Ash Wednesday, the start of lent. I wonder what I should give up this year. Last year, I gave up shopping for personal stuff (clothes, bags, etc) for a good 40 days -- well, there was an exception because my office shoes got damaged and I needed a replacement badly. But that was it, no other expenses for clothes and impulsive shopping binges.

 This year, what should be a good sacrifice? At first I decided that I will give up Gunpla purchases. But I figured that I also don't have any intentions of buying anything until I work on my backlogs. So I need something else.

 And so while writing this, I finally came to a conclusion. Combine last year's resolution and this year's, and add a "personal" sacrifice -- something that I need to change within myself to make me a better person.

 So without further adieu, here's what I'm planning for this lent season:

• No Gunpla 
• No Shopping 
• No Cursing/Bad Words 
• Dota until 12MN only except weekends and holidays -- so I won't be late!(Yuber did this before, I hope he gives me the strength and determination to live up to this)

2012 Valentine Bingkong

It's Valentines Day tomorrow and I don't have a date! Hahaha, as if I care. I'm not usually hyped up with all the lovey-dovey on Vday because I firmly believe that Valentines is one big marketing scam of cards, flowers, chocolates, and stuffed toys companies. You are compelled to buy and spend cash to make yourself believe that this is a very special day. You must be out of your mind to think so, how can Valentines Day be special when you're spending it with everyone else in the world?

Anyway, I really hate to rant because I've been ranting about this every f*cking year hahaha. This year, I won't have someone to spend it with because Marc is on the other side of the globe and we'll be apart for quite some time. I shouldn't be affected, should I? But bloody hell I am hahaha. What the F*ck? =))

I don't even understand myself, but I guess the thought of "spending it alone" kind of makes me cringe. I know I'm not technically alone, but I'm afraid I'll still be branded as "bingkong" hahaha. Bingkong is my Mom's term for having no date. =)) Oh well, at least I won't have to spend anything. =D

Happy Valentines Day, everyone! Let's see what's in store tomorrow, I'll try to give an update if I'm not too depressed. =P

How I miss this face! =))